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later, a blood clot hit her lungs and
my mother was gone.
Within all stories of deeply felt
loss are lessons for healthy grieving.
“How you grieve will be unique to
you,” says Marty Tousley, a clinical
nurse specialist in adult psychiatric
and mental health, and a hospice
bereavement counselor. “You can
learn how to use this time to help
heal yourself.”
Take Care of You
After someone close to you dies,
numbness is common. This is a
time to minimize stress and focus
on self-care. Silverthorn was on her
own after her husband died. She had
been his caregiver, as West was for
her mother. When he died, Silverthorn said, her “brain was tired.”
She carefully avoided making big
decisions, such as moving. Another
healthy action, Tousley notes, was
that Silverthorn avoided isolation.
Silverthorn said she told herself,
“I’ve got to learn something. I’ve got
to get out of the house.” She started
playing cards at a senior center,
made new friends and joined a gym.
Caregivers may face an extra-
hard time with grief, Tousley says.
“They tend to neglect their own
physical care. They’ve spent so
much of their recent life caring for
someone. I ask them when was the
last time they saw their doctor.”
When West’s mother died, West
couldn’t sleep or eat—common reac-
tions, Tousley says. If you can’t sleep,
simply relax. Get nutrition in smaller
meals. Drink water. Get mild exercise.
Let others help you for a change.
Tears are natural,
although not
everyone has them,
and that’s OK, too.
